Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"

---

评论：

letshaveariot:

Nobody ever wants one in the neighborhood, but once they're there, you realize you get everything you'd get from the classier stores with a lot less hassle and expense. But you still hate yourself for going so often.

icorrectotherpeople:

They fuck everybody.

makesyoudownvote:

They destroy the local economy by devaluing their wares. 

CalyssaEL:

They poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague upon our houses!

GTSPKD:

They DID?!

EbenumStudios:

No, but are we gonna wait around until they do?

SudenlyLochNess:

I say- WE TIP SOMETHING OVER!!

CalyssaEL:

Get the Lifeguard!

church1138:

Now what?!

Mr-Kabuki:

No! this is patrick!

HughMuzbyKidden:

THAT BATTERY DISPLAY! GET IT!

Biocyte:

ANGRY AT WALMART? WANT TO JOIN THE MOB? I'VE GOT YOU COVERED!

COME ON DOWN TO /r/pitchforkemporium

I GOT 'EM ALL!



Traditional
Left Handed
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---E
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I EVEN HAVE DISCOUNTED CLEARANCE FORKS!



33% off!
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Manufacturer's Defect!



---F
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NEW IN STOCK. DIRECTLY FROM LIECHTENSTEIN. EUROPEAN MODELS!



The Euro
The Pound
The Lira



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HAPPY LYNCHING!

* some assembly required  

jakejack13:

R/pitchforkemporium

The_Bearded_Hambone:

Who's Kem Porium and what're we pitching to him? 

Hahonryuu:

Forks, apparently 

LAN_of_the_free:

Do you happen to carry the ---| one? Is that 100% off?

ModestlyInformed:

I believe that's called a hoe.

MattcVI:

That's no way to talk about a woman

_co:

These guys do gods work 

Koshindan:

Eh, they're cheaper at walmart. I know it's a chinese pissfork, but I'm just using it like one time. 

MrDrProfTheDude:

---E!

MattcVI:

Factorial pitchfork?

yoshidawgz:

R/unexpectedfactorial ?

MrDrProfTheDude:

I saw a thread where someone tried to baboozle, but failed. 

So a guy commented "---E?"

Someone replied with "---E!"

Sativa-Cyborg:

I was among the outcries when a super Walmart came to my town. Now I'm there all the time. They are open 24/7, awesome for when you have highdeas

Scientolojesus:

The South Park episode Something Walmart This Way Comes perfectly parodies the situation. 

melten007:

So you're saying we should wipe out humanity?

ignorethisnamepleaae:

I think he's saying we should Vape out humanity

ThoriumOverlord:

Yes! And at a fraction of the cost!

Cpt_FuzzyFace:

And she turned me into a newt!

existentlangst:

newtlivesmatter

ignorethisnamepleaae:

Fun fact: the worlds atmosphere change is killing off amphibians

Serif_Marak:

Your definition of fun concerns me

Sir_Slick_Rock:

And deytookerjawbs!!!

joebobcletusjr:

Too-kourderb!

ItsMichaelVegas:

THAAAY touk OUR JHABS!!!

ignorethisnamepleaae:

They took our hijabs!

Dovahkiin1992:

They did?!

PotatoTopato:

r/unexpectedspongebob

Something_Syck:

They did?

No, but are we just going to wait until they do?!

Zachary_FGW:

they do?

SyrCuse-44-:

The both have a lot of cheap jeans and tank tops.

Enriquehotpantz:

If it makes you feel any better the internet is now doing the same to Walmart.

yayhindsight:

id actually argue that amazon does this too, just more sneakily and therefore avoids the public ire.

Scyntrus:

Sometimes a product will look exactly the same and have the same packaging but the walmart version will be lower quality.

JW-in-Dixie:

Have heard that charge before but have seen no proof. Can you prove your charge? And, what if the two have the same bar code? 

Just wondering. 

PoopsForDays:

Generally there are "club exclusive SKU's" and they do have different model numbers or bar codes. I was looking into a ninja countertop roaster and there was a walmart specific model that didn't have a few accessories and was lacking a mode. 

I think that the "Same sku, lower quality" statement is a myth that people use to explain the cost difference. Walmart saves the end user money by cutting logistics costs with large companies and by strong-arming smaller companies to selling a product for less.

heavy_losses:

Wait is the original joke still going

JohnGillnitz:

Most big box places do this. Home Depot does it on gas grills. Cost Co. does it on TVs. They have the same make and model, but they get their own SKU. It isn't always worse. Sometimes buyers insist on changes to an established product line to decrease the returns they have to deal with. 

DakarCarGunGuy:

I was told by a guy that works on electronics that the art number/model number is different between companies. Best Buy, Walmart, and Costco all can sell the same TV but the components in the Costco and Wal-Mart TV is of a lower quality. Not enough to make it junk but just enough that you'll be buying again in a few years after the warranty is up. He said Wal-Mart and Costco are the two store TVs he sees the most.

Philip_K_Fry:

The Walmart store brands are often lesser quality versions of standard grade consumer products but the Costco store brand is always a rebranded high quality product made with the same materials and to the same specifications as the original.

the_one_jt:

bottom line they all use different part numbers to screw over consumers.

Enriquehotpantz:

I could be wrong, but, I believe Walmart basically tells the manufacturing company (MC) what they'll pay for the product and so the MC will make a different version of the product so that they can still meet their profit margins for the product.

NickCageIsAWoman:

You are correct. But as I stated above, it isn't about reducing quality. Wal Mart keeps a close eye on returns. If an item is having too many issues, they will pull it as quickly as they put it on the shelf. Vendors have to be creative in how they meet the pricing demands, but sacrificing quality is a death sentence in waiting.

NickCageIsAWoman:

Two key differences that are not the product:
The buyer. Wal Mart buyers tend to treat their items with less respect than their higher-salaried counterparts. This is of course a very generalized statement, but for those wanting the most bang for their buck from an electronics purchase, Wal Mart is not the answer, and the people that care, are not shopping there. 

Volume. Those lower priced units can be sold cheaper, in part, because of the volume of which Wal Mart purchases the product. Therefore, more available at a cheaper price means more opportunity for things to go wrong.

Now, the difference in the products comes down to what they offer. When you see an almost the same item, a tv for example, at a Wal Mart that you see at a Best Buy, the thing to look for is options. The cheaper version tends to have fewer inputs, and since 4K has come out, you may only get one or two 4K inputs @ 60Hz versus all of them on a higher priced model. Also look for things like available apps, blue tooth, etc. This is where Wal Mart and other discounters save a few bucks and can pass it on to you. 

It does not do them any good to sell inferior products from a quality perspective, because consumers are too intelligent to fall for such antics these days. They will simply move on to a slightly more expensive seller if quality were the issue. But as it is, I have seen Wal Mart tv's outlast their Best Buy counterparts by years. The components are equal, the extras are not.

Personally, I use Wal Mart as a baseline for pricing and features. It is a great place to start, but if you intend to have optimal extras you go elsewhere. If all you want is a box to stare at, the discounters will do just fine, and last just as long. But, as with anything, you have to take care of it.

System0verlord:

True. But Costco has a reasonable warranty. And I buy the price difference in Costco cookies anyways. 

nphased:

The cookies  are good,  but the real difference is the living wages that Costco pays. That helps your community that a Costco operates in vs the part time slave wages from Walmart. 

System0verlord:

Absolutely. They're an amazing company and I buy everything I can from them to support what they do. 

Strix780:

This is correct.  Why does that happen?

Unlimited_Emmo:

So the people who can spend more on certain products actually spend more by buying "quality" wares

I-Like-3-14159:

And often times bigger I have never seen bigger cans of beans and other sorts of things anywhere else 

surprisebootsocks:

Until eventually you go inside one walmart without getting to know it and after one night it starts calling you saying you left a baby inside it and it knows where you live and you decide you shouldn't be going in walmarts so carelessly.

StrontiumJaguar:

...Dad?

YouCantVoteEnough:

That's why I do all my shopping in full tyvek bodysuits.

djazzie:

Plus if you go there for late nite pizza or wings you meet the most interesting people. And by interesting I mean creepy af. 

letshaveariot:

If it looks like pizza, don't eat it

LyKam_Yung:

Even that 15 yo fatty cashier?

CardboardHeatshield:

Especially that 15 yo fatty cashier...

LyKam_Yung:

What if you cover her in BBQ sauce?

HughMuzbyKidden:

I don't care if you cover her in streptomycin.

Liquor_Bush:

That's like saying... "dude, are you a drunk? cause you're here every time I'm here."

TwoCarrotsandaSmile:

Don't put your dick in crazy pizza

RogueToad:

Relevant

TheTruthForPrez2016:

Hahaha

LAN_of_the_free:

Is no one going to mention the south park episode?

chitiebang:

Ya it's way better to find a store that's not as flashy on the outside that no one knows about that sells things just the way you like them.

simmillarian:

I see wal-mart as more of a hassle because there are more shitty people, they are too big, and I can't think of a third reason.

Zearkos:

You see them everywhere but when you need one, they're NOWHERE TO BE FOUND? 

HammyxHammy:

The hero America needs, but not the one it deserves.

J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS:

If you enter through the backdoor and pee inside someone might start shouting at you.

smartcool:

Yeah, but it's hard to beat the free overnight RV parking. 

LadyTetra:

On a serious note, do they still allow this? The one by my house has a bunch of signs up that say no overnight parking. 

LeodFitz:

It's probably up to the general manager.

MrMallow:

I asked them about this a while back and I guess it is their policy to allow it nationally, but sometimes city ordinances prevent it. 

LeodFitz:

Interesting, thanks for sharing.

jtb1924:

The one by me regularly has a handful of RV's at it (near a major Interstate). 

melten007:

Can't they just buy something every night to circumvent this rule?

Airazz:

That's generally what people do, just buy some water and food to not look like trailer trash.

/r/vandwellers 

BloodshotHippy:

Same. Right next to an interstate. Full of semi's and RV's nightly.

oddchihuahua:

It depends on city ordinances and the actual location. If its a free standing Wal-Mart with its own parking lot then it's likely permitted. If the Wal-Mart is part of a larger shopping center and the parking lot is communal, usually not.

ChefAllez:

In Vegas since the Hotels have their hands in everything it's not allowed.  I don't think it's enforced though. 

Dirt_E_Harry:

Yo mamma is like a 7-11, opens 24/7. And for a $1.50, you get a slurpy.

Teddey_Bear:

I thought the whole 7-11 thing was because they were open from 7 to eleven...

JustaBirdperson:

it was originally. 

but they're 24 hours now. 

and thank the lord for the 7 elevens. 

Fizzy_Squirrel:

7/11 employee here. Can confirm hours. The slogan however, is a bit off.

jereezy:

Oh thank heaven, 7-11

Le_Reddit_Elder:

Is it a part time job?

delithug:

24/7 sounds pretty full time

famalamo:

That's not what they make you work though. They give you one of three possible eight hour shifts, 7am to 3pm, 3pm to 11pm, and 11pm to 7 am.

Some of them have a set schedule, some don't.

delithug:

Woosh

kaezermusik:

no 7/11 is a part time inside job.

ChickenMcVincent:

Slurpees don't melt steel beams. 

laxpanther:

A man walks up to the local 24 hour store to find the cashier turning off the lights, locking the door, and walking to his car. The man confronts the cashier and says "but I thought you were open 24 hours?!"

Cashier said, "well we are, but not in a row!"

Edit, to paraphrase Steven Wright.

superstephen4:

Very underrated comedian considering how popular Mitch Hedberg is

newsameaccount:

Hedberg looked cooler and had a cooler name.

PangoMango112:

Wawa is better

mygawd:

Unless you aren't in Pennsylvania

PangoMango112:

I mean I'm from South jersey, they're a dime a dozen here

ihahp:

I believe it's "Oh thank heaven for 7 Eleven." 

therealasianboi:

I always thought it was 7 hours a day, 11 days a week

hullor:

7 days a week 11 hours a day I thought 

Aspear96:

We're only going to be open from 11am to 10pm. Because we hate business thats why!

maggotshero:

Those aren't terrible hours. That's an 11 hour business day, most non 24 hour stores are open from like 8-10

stones4:

... That's 14 hours

baka4191:

rekt.

WhiteGuyInPI:

most stores inside shopping malls carry those hours (if they even go as late as 10pm... most I've seen close by 9).

JangoFett:

Why did you just type 7 but write out the number eleven?

Xp1derMan:

Usually you write out numbers ten and below then use the numbers for other double digits and higher.

CardboardHeatshield:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty.

Don't tell me what to do.

Olithar:

Could we renegotiate the number writing rule? Hear me out before you judge, but what if even numbers are written and odd numbers are just numbers. I.e. 1 two 3 four 5 six 7 eight 9 ten 11 twelve 13 fourteen. I think it could really catch on. Plus on some level I think it could also improve other things, like making it eaiser to spot even numbers in those number pattern questions which children get in school. Omg, let us start this revolution and bring about glorious change. *edited spelling

Teddey_Bear:

Because 7 is a garbage number.

maggotshero:

It ate 9, what an asshole

vendetta2115:

And it's a registered six offender.

HellfireKyuubi:

7 8 9s asshole

bayu256:

I thought it was 7 years a month 11

killianfaust:

For $1.50 I better receive a Super Big Gulp, and hold the ICE (you know, in case she's illegal)

couldbevegeta:

In Canada our walmarts close at 10pm. The women as well. 

math_junkie:

Not in the University cities. They know damn well that students will be buying groceries at 4am

Grimesy2:

Walmarts used to be 24 hours for the most part in the US, but in locations where they had a lot of crime at night they started closing late

Sativa-Cyborg:

We have a very new super Walmart that's 24/7. But it's in the good part of town and cops are always around cuz it's larger than a goddamn Costco and a lot a fast food opened in the same plaza

HughMuzbyKidden:

Wow. I guess you had better be done with your "shopping" by then, huh?

slinkywheel:

Not true. All Wal-Marts have different hours. The one I work at closes at 11, and was even open 24 hours a few years ago during christmas.

They change them.

dpalumbo:

The original delivery is better:

(via r/standupshots)

https://imgur.com/3m40zWu

emken:

Man, Mark Normand gets plagiarized in this sub a lot.

Pelicanen:

Great comedian, I like to refer to him as the new Jerry Seinfeld.

Brusswole_Sprouts:

Came here to say this. Pretty sure he's got a new special too!

gimjun:

i'm sure he's done the joke before elsewhere, but i first saw him on conan - here's the video for the lazy

SniperNumber3:

My local Walmart is closed from midnight to 4am because of theft.

jokel7557:

funny mine just changed it hours today. Though its only a grocery store one

ajdabbs:

So neighborhood market?

eyesick:

Mark Normand

psycho-logical:

Yup

http://i.imgur.com/3m40zWu.jpg

baneofthesmurf:

Not that I don't believe this is his bit, but i feel like this picture with text doesn't really count as proof.

poopchow:

While you are right, I don't have more evidence myself but can verify the quote. 


mark normand fan 

gimjun:

here's the video where he does the joke on conan

Cjayin:

I'm really grossed out by the people I see in there with me. I guess that could still apply

AlfredoTony:

The feeling is prob mutual. 

Cjayin:

Wouldn't doubt for a second 

AlfredoTony:

Why are you so gross

vaderaintmydaddy:

Fat girls are like mopeds:

Fun to ride until your friends see you with them

InstantJay:

That actually is an old german saying.

Strygware:

how do you say it in german?

InstantJay:

Fette ficken ist wie Moped fahren.
Solang es keiner weiss, isses geil.

SpadoCochi:

Truth

badnamebandit:

And most of the country has been in one...

SpiderJerusalem42:

Trying to read comments as applied to both slutty girls and Walmarts. results are mixed.

pm_me_pony_plots:

Oh, I totally thought it was going to be "they're bigger and dirtier than they should be."

Obtuse_Donkey:

All the slutty guys say they don't shop there.

lcblangdale:

Or at any other time.  If every girl were as slutty as every guy, the world would be a beautiful place.

RAmusician:

You don't want to be around people who hang around her at 4 am though...

AlfredoTony:

You want to be those people. 

moderately-extremist:

People like OP?

FourEyedBeardo:

Stop stealing from Mark Normand.

PolarisDude:

Ahhhhh you got one of them Super Walmarts!! 

SLGuitar:

If you're in there over an hour, you're spending too much money.

jds10103:

They take foodstamps?

BrutallyHonestDude:

Riddled with STDs?

DevonMG:

OP sounds like that guy you knew in high school. Y'know the one.

megatom0:

Aww why make fun of slutty girls? Slutty girls are usually fun. I mean unless they are your girlfriend or something. 

hannah-rogers1993:

They are both more successful than you? 

weedanddonuts:

Guessing this joke hits a little close to home for hannah.

Skrockout:

You give Mark Norman his goddamn credit for writing this joke!

BoneHugsHominy:

When a dude bangs a lot of chicks, he's celebrated as a playa. When a chick bangs a lot dudes, I'm not one of them. FML

murdill36:

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Mrfrunzi:

I'll be stealing that, thank you!

moxreuby:

Everyone makes fun of them but when you really need some Tang at 3am on a Tuesday...

KrackerJoe:

Youd rather just go to the do it yourself lane.

Fulltergeist:

And their difference is you fuck one and the other fucks you.

KingWillowTheFirst:

Stolen joke, saw it on standup-shots.

jokel7557:

aren't most jokes stolen. We all know that you didn't make up that knock knock joke steve

psycho-logical:

Correct. It's from Mark Normand 

http://i.imgur.com/3m40zWu.jpg

myrand920:

Clearance blowout is always fun

kdudekm:

!remindme 1 day

KmountainDew:

Much like a 7/11 or a Sheetz

sandmmaster:

And their produce section is fresh

malitos:

LOL We have all been there

ShoeBurglar:

They may not always be doing business but they're always open.

GauntletsofRai:

Slutty girls are like Wal-Marts because they might be cheap but they can give you anything you want. 

amberdus:

The difference is how you get serviced 

Power_Cage01:

They don't pay their illegal employees a living wage?